The 5 essential components of an effective apology

The 5 essential components of an effective apologyThe 5 essential components of an effective apologyWomenapologize way too much hey, were all socialized with that expectation. Because of this, one might think that when the times comes for us to say Im sorry to someone whoactuallydeserves it, wed be rockstars at it. But unfortunately, this isnt always the case. Saying these two little words can be quite a trying task, even when we really think we mean them and despite knowing that theyre imperative to mending and maintainingallof our relationships.Nick Hobson, director of science forPsychologyCompassand a behavioral scientist who researches emotional functioning, makes it simple with his step-by-step instructions.1. Do it face-to-faceAs it does most things, technology can convolute apologies too. For this reason, Hobson recommends you apologize to someone in partie rather than via email, text, or even a phone call. The sincerity in social cues will come through much more in person, he says. Theres far too much ambiguity in word use and tone that gets lost. It will only make things worse. An in-person apology might be intimidating, but in the end, you owe it to them.2. Actually mean itAnd, of course, for any apology to prove effective, the apologizer must be genuinely sorry for their words or actions. Fake apologies are fairly transparent, Hobson says, especially thanks to body language, tone, etc., if youre following instruction 1. As much as not apologizing for your words and actions will weaken a relationship, a feigned apology can tank things even faster.3. Take responsibilityMost people love talking about themselves, so why not keep it up when saying youre sorry? Cue the I statements The apology should include an acknowledgment of personal responsibility, explains Hobson. What a lot of people tend to do is offer an apology saying wheretheywent wrong. This will mean a lot more to a person than blaming their hurt feelings on an outside factor - or worse, on t hem.4. Provide contextThis is the one part of an apology when youre able to explain your understanding of where things went wrong and why. But this step leaves room for some big mistakes, such as, say, sounding like youre trying to justify or excuse your behavior. Ensure the context is about reassuring the person you hurt that you understand where you went wrong and how to prevent it from recurring - not about making yourself look better. After explaining what happened, the person apologizing should add the important caveat that, despite the rationale, they still recognize what they did was wrong, selfish, mean, etc., Hobson says.5. Make up for itAnyone whos received an empty apology has been able to identify it after the fact because the person kept up their problematic behavior. A person feeling wronged by another will be looking for some honest signal that says theyre not going to do it again, asserts Hobson. A key tactic, then, is to build in the apology, at the moment or short ly after, an act of generosity or kindness. Taking the time to ensure they feel appreciated and cared for by you after breaking their trust is paramount to rebuilding your relationship.Whats your Im sorry strategy? Let us knowBritandCo.This article first appeared on Brit + Co.